Subjective Friendships and Toxic Love

Nothing is forced; not friendships, not love. When nothing comes naturally and everything feels strange and uneasy, then it's not for you. Don't bother wasting time. Friendship is a two sided thing, and when you feel like you're doing more than is expected of you, then it takes a whole new name, and that is suddenly not friendship anymore.

While no one is entirely perfect, I believe friends are meant to complete each other. You start where the person ends, and it's all rainbow and sunshine.

When you become scared of telling how you feel about something to avoid being criticized, suddenly fidgy about telling secrets, to avoid being held in public shame; that, my friend is a sham of friendship and not in it's entirety. Friendships should not be subjective. You should not be a third party and feel inferior when you are with someone.

A friend doesn't talk to you with any mannerism of their choices simply because they can. They don't say stinging hurtful words to you in a facade of playfulness. A friendship is not dominating and controlling. You don't have to accept the barest minimum just because it's what they can offer. 

You don't have to love someone harder than they love you just to prove how genuine you are. You don't have to make excuses for them why they didn't show up for you when you needed them the most, even if you are always ready to show up for them any minute of the day. You don't have to accept you were at fault every single time, just for peace to reign.

You don't understand toxicity? This is it. You keep making excuses for people that claim to love you, while you shrink your boundaries to tolerate their excesses and accept whatever scraps of love they force down your throat. After all, it should be easy to tolerate the 105th time since you accepted to tolerate the first one.

Don't identify the toxicity only when your worth and standards become a bag of cheese that can easily be deflected, stomped and misused. You became a fraction of yourself you barely recognize, and in that moment, all it takes is one person to show you that love is not all thorns and bushes. And you can yap about your day like it's the most natural thing in the world to do. 

You meet people, and they keep raising the bars of friendship for you. They are not threatened by your growth or want to reduce you so that they can be superior.

You suddenly don't have to be subjected to certain things you don't want to do, you don't have to give your take on something you prefer to ignore, you don't have to explain why your opinion on something differs from theirs, and you don't have to apologize for being you; sensitive and imperfect.

Sometimes, you just need someone to show you how a whole new world can be, to support you, love you unconditionally, and appreciate your softness, your fire, your weaknesses, your strength, your passion, your agility, your force and all of what you carry within you. 

You don't have to claim to be hard, because this person sees beyond your mask and understands all your fears, tolerates all your excesses, disciplines you with correction and gives you reasons to be the best version of yourself each day without trying so hard. Everything becomes so easy and effortless and you suddenly can’t believe you begged for crumbs.

Sometimes, all it takes is to be loved at home. Let it be known that today is the day I finally let go.